How we decided to get a dog
Phoenix is the best gorl
Sarah and I recently adopted a 4 y/o feamle Belgian Malinois named Phoenix! On the one hand, getting a dog feels like a big decision (it is!) But on the other hand, as with a lot of big decisions in my life, it feels like it happened in a rapid blur of developments. Maybe it’s because with many big decisions, there are big uncertainties which we can only do so much to reason about and plan for - at some point you just have to feel things out, pull the trigger, and roll with the punches. This process came a lot more naturally for Sarah than it did for me!
First, some backstory on how we came across Phoenix. We’d known we wanted a dog for a while, and ~2 months ago when we signed on a new apartment together, all substantial circumstantial limitations to getting a dog had fallen. Shortly after we locked down the new flat, Sarah was sending me 2-5 IG posts a day of good boys and girls up for adoption. We knew we wanted an active breed that would enjoy going on outdoor adventures with us, and a few weeks into searching, we found a Malinois named Roxy who seemed like a great fit. Unfortunately, when we reached out to Paws United (PUC, the shelter that owned her) with interest in adopting her, they confusingly told us that Roxy would need a foster parent first before we could see her (??) Fast forward a few more weeks and Sarah found a posting in a whatsapp group chat (bless her social network) for another Malinois named Phoenix. A few days later, we met Phoenix and her parent Aidan for the first time and learned that Roxy and Phoenix are actually the same dog! PUC technically owned Phoenix (her name in their records is Roxy) but Aidan had been fostering her for years since she was a puppy and had renamed her to Phoenix (good choice). Aidan had never intended to be a long term parent for Phoenix, he just came in as a foster parent when they urgently needed one when she was puppy. He had been trying to find an owner for Phoenix for a while, but PUC had been unhelpful in this search (no kidding!) PUC incompetence aside, our first date with Phoenix went well, and the soul searching to decide whether or not to adopt her began…
Why did we want Phoenix? Sarah was a 100 on Phoenix from day1 and, unlike me, never really wavered on that. Her motivations are probably pretty similar to mine, but with more solid foundation as she grew up with a dog, whereas I’ve never owned one. For me, when “getting a dog” initially looked like “getting a poodle mix” or something, I didn’t think too hard about this question - the upsides (cute furry friend for life) *seemed* pretty clear, and the main question *seemed* to be whether we were ready for the responsibility. But when “getting a dog” morphed into “getting a Malinois with a history of aggression towards other dogs”, I really had to ask myself, why was I doing this? Initially, the answer was “Sarah really wants her, and I trust Sarah’s judgement”, but I quickly concluded I should probably apply a bit more critical thinking / soul searching to such a big decision. After a few more encounters with Phoenix to feel out whether we’d adopt her, the answer started crystallizing a bit more in my head. While she’d certainly be a handful, Phoenix was already starting to grow more comfortable around us, and it was clearly that she was highly trainable. I was excited to run and swim around Hong Kong with her. I was motivated to put the effort into caring for / training her. And I felt a lot of warm fuzzies at the prospect of continuing to build a bond with her. In the end, the vibes of the decision felt very similar (in nature, if not in degree) to deciding to have kids.
What were our main concerns? In the week leading to actually deciding to adopt Phoenix, every night I’d bombard Sarah with questions of the form “did you conisder risk X? why aren’t you as worried as me about it??”. They varied in sensibility:
What if she’s a meance and it’s impossible for us to leave her home alone?
What if we’re unable to give her enough mental / physical exercise?
What if she has a really hard time adjusting new owners / home?
What if we’re unable to both be out of town because she’s too much of a menace to leave with others?
What if she attacks another dog under our ownership? What if she kills one??
What if we have a baby and she attacks it?
What if she attacks me??
One more general worry was that I was chewing off way more than I could chew, mostly driven by the combo of (1) I’ve never owned a dog before and (2) everything the internet tells me is about Malinois is "they are not bred to be housepets, and only appropriate for experienced owners”. Sarah shared some of these concerns, but the vibes Phoenix was sending her way left her convinced that things would go ok. After a handful of “trial” encounters with Phoenix (where I got to see that (1) Phoenix isn’t actually that reactive around other dogs and (2) she was quickly becoming comfortable being with just the two of us), I came to feel the same way.
How have things panned out so far? Surprisingly well! One benefit of worrying about all the ways in which things could go badly is that when they don’t, you’re left with a lot of relief (and in this case, a bundle of loving, joyful energy!). She moved in with us ~a week ago, and has quickly become very comfortable in our home. She woke us up with some barking in the middle of the first night, but has otherwise had no problems sleeping through the night. She’s been great about respecting boundaries (not jumping on furniture, staying out of the bedroom). She’s quickly become comfortable being at home alone (I spent the first day working from, but by day3 I was fully back to WFO). The few times we’ve had guests over, she’s barked at them a bit initially, but has quickly become comfortable around She even figured out by herself to pee in our guest shower when we’re not around to take her out.
But the best part is it feels like she’s really loving her new life (and maybe us!)
To be honest, I feel like we got really lucky. And a lot of the risks I was worried about initially are tail risks, who knows whether we’ll dodge ‘em forever. But so far, getting Phoenix feels like one of the best decisions I’ve made in a long time.